A New Look on Adoption: A Birthmother’s View 4 Years Later
It was four years ago that I ended my nine-month journey towards adoption and headed into the land full of women called birthmothers. Before that time, I did not fully understand the journey of adoption or what I was getting into as a “birthmother.” Through my journey, I learned that when the circumstances are right, adoption is a beautiful tale of hope and a dream for the future.
When I first made the decision to place my son for adoption, I knew it was a choice that would change my life forever, but I never knew that choosing a fairly open adoption would change my views on parenting and lead me into wanting to be like the woman my birth son now calls mom. I spent the last three months of my pregnancy getting to know the man and woman who my baby would call mom and dad.
I went into adoption knowing it wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew that there were many things I could do along the way to make my journey a little easier. During the last three months of my pregnancy, I thought of this baby as theirs mainly because I was able to get to know the people I had chosen. Together, we made memories that we will have for a lifetime.
Thanks to AdoptHelp, I was able to select from a special group of potential adoptive parents. The moment I saw the faces of my birth sons’ parents smiling up from their profile, I knew. Their participation in this journey has been the most amazing aspect of this adoption. I still remember the adoptive father’s eyes the first time he saw his son and knew that this was real. When he thanked me, I felt it deep in my heart. The adoptive mother became my hero because she was able to love this child with her whole being, which was my greatest wish. We all love that little boy and that love will join us together forever. They have told me I’m an angel and I have thanked them for caring for our “bun”. They have told me they are proud and that our story is amazing, so I know the feelings are mutual. We all had tough hurdles over which we had to jump, but we accomplished them through understanding and love for this child, which is, pure and selfless.
Until the day he was born, I understood how the adoptive parents would feel “on edge” at times but I assured them that there was no doubt in my mind that adoption was the best choice. I did what I could to make it a little easier by writing them letters about my feelings, fears, and desires. I have spoken at many adoption seminars and written several pieces on how proud I am to be a birthmother and how adoption was the right choice for me and this little baby.
I have received many photos of my birth son and, thanks to the technology we have today, I am able to be a part of their lives through emails, blogs, and chat rooms. We make the occasional phone call, normally once a year, to talk for an hour and catch up usually around Mothers Day. Since the day I gave birth, I have a new found admiration for all mothers because the battle to introduce a life into this world is tough! The fears and worries sometime overcome us and, as a mother in one way or another, we have put our child’s needs in front of our own.
Being a mother takes so much more than being able to give birth to a child. It is about love, understanding, knowing when you’re ready, and being willing to change your life forever. Motherhood is about being selfless and pushing through the tough nights when you just can’t figure out anything else to do. I now view parenting as a huge job! Every child I meet teaches me something and I am saving all of these valuable lessons to put to use one day when I am ready to take the next step in life and give it my all to be a great mother. My best friend recently had a baby and I admire her strength. I take my turn holding a fussy baby and do my best to learn how to soothe him, but it is still a guessing game. I’m still a little unsure if I know what it takes, but I know that when my day comes I will remember the woman who showed me that love doesn’t have boundaries. Love is about a strong passion for wanting to love something, and doing your best to ensure that every day and every experience is a special learning experience. Great parents expose their children to education and nature, they ensure that their children hear “I love you” every night before bed, and they know the correct boundaries in life to make it a long and safe journey for their children.
Until the day we all have an opportunity to see each other again, I will have my special memories. It was a time in my life where I learned the most and shared the most special gift. Adoption has changed my life as a person and allowed me to wait for the right time to start the adventure of parenting. I’m not sure if I have what it takes yet, but when my time comes I know I will be ready.