Learn How To Adopt : How To Adopt
In all private independent adoptions, a birth mother personally selects the adoptive parent(s). This is done through submitting "Dear Birth Mother" letters to a birth mother to review, and discussing with a birth mother additional background information about the adoptive parent(s) (gathered from a questionnaire previously filled out by adoptive parents). The adoptive parent(s) create their "Dear Birth Mother" letter for birth mothers to review, which may cover an adoptive parent(s) lifestyle, career(s), interests, hobbies, religion, and other pertinent information. (Note: in the case of a "closed" adoption, a birth mother may request AdoptHelp to select adoptive parent(s) for her. In such an event, she may not wish to review an adoptive parent's "Dear Birth Mother" letter.) Although it is ultimately the birth mother's decision in selecting a family of her choice, you are presented to a birth mother only after the birth mother has met your criteria.
When a birth mother initially contacts us, we obtain information from her regarding her personal and medical history. We discuss with her what characteristics she is looking for in her selection of adoptive parent(s) for her child. A first package of information is then sent to the birth mother, including, but not limited to, an informational medical background form and a financial worksheet delineating her living expenses (i.e. food, rent, utilities and clothing). We request she fill out the paperwork and return it to us, along with a pregnancy verification and medical records, if available. Upon receiving her information back, we then send her a second package of information, including a more in-depth informational medical background questionnaire for her to complete and remit back.
Included in the second package are several "Dear Birth Mother" profiles, best matching her criteria (unless she prefers not to review profiles.) Once she has had a chance to review the profiles, we discuss with her who she has chosen as her first, second, and (if possible) third choice for the adoptive parent(s) of her child. We will then contact the birth mother's first choice and review all of the information we have obtained about the birth mother. (If the birth mother's first choice of adoptive parent(s) appears tentative, we may choose to contact her second choice, in the event the birth mother's first choice falls through. In such an event, we would inform the second choice adoptive parent(s) that they were chosen as a backup family, discuss the birth mother's information, and ascertain if they would be interested in the birth mother as a possible match, provided the first choice family falls through.) Provided the adoptive parent(s) like what they hear and wish to speak with or meet the birth mother (and the birth mother is open to this type of communication), we assist in making the necessary arrangements for the contact to take place. Once a birth mother has selected the adoptive parent(s) she would like to proceed forward with, and the adoptive parent(s) feel committed to the birth mother as well, a "match" is considered made. An adoptive parent always retains the option of choosing to forego a match with a birth mother. In such an event, AdoptHelp continues to search for another birth mother for the adoptive parent(s).
In conducting the matching process, AdoptHelp also makes every attempt to match adopting parent(s) with a birth mother based on the criteria the adoptive parent(s) have relayed to AdoptHelp. For instance, if an adoptive parent(s) wishes to be matched with a birth mother who wants very little or no direct communication between the two, we would look for a birth mother who feels similarly. Alternatively, if an adoptive parent(s) wishes to be matched with a birth mother who wants ongoing contact, even to the point of the adoptive parent(s) being present for the birth of the baby, we would look for a birth mother open to this degree of contact. Some adoptive parents prefer to be matched with a birth mother who resides within their own home state, while others request to be matched with a birth mother from out-of-state. For some adoptive parents, adoption costs are a concern. Therefore, they may prefer to be matched with a birth mother with low living expense needs, or a birth mother who has medical insurance. We take pride in our ability to be able to design an adoption plan specific to each prospective adopting parent, thus being able to match you with birth mothers who meet your specified criteria.
Once matched, you have the option of hiring an AdoptHelp Law Center attorney or any outside attorney of your choice to provide additional services. AdoptHelp can make referrals of attorneys/agencies in both your home state and the birth mother's home state, should the birth mother reside outside your state, to assist with the adoption plan and bring it to finalization.