In Their Own Words: Birth Mothers Describe Their Reasons For Choosing Adoption
As an adoption attorney, I have had the fortune of witnessing the miracles of domestic adoption on a daily basis. In domestic adoption, a birth mother chooses the perfect parent(s) she wants to adopt her child. She may have had a wonderful childhood that she feels she cannot replicate for her child or she may have had a very difficult childhood and wants to break the cycle for her baby. Whatever her reasons, she is a modern day hero who acts out of love for her child to ensure that her baby has a wonderful life full of love, stability and inspiration.
Prospective parents often ask me why birth mothers place their babies for adoption. I have complied a small sample of responses to this question written by birth mothers in our program. Their short direct responses provide great insight into why a birth mother places her baby for adoption.
“Placing my child for adoption was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I did it because I love my daughter and I want her to have a loving, stable home with parents who are prepared and able to give her everything she could ever want or need. I know that I am not able to give her the life she deserves, even though I really wish things were different. My own family was very unstable when I was growing up so I know how destructive it can be. I did this for her, so she could have the best chance at being happy.”
“To be totally honest, I am not ready to be a parent. I want this child to have a better life than I ever had. I am not in a good place right now and have problems that I have not dealt with yet. I don’t want my child to have to struggle. For me, adoption is a way to break through all of the strife and problems that seem to follow me so they do not follow the baby. I will always be proud of what I did and think of adoption as a heroic and selfless act that wonderfully impacts an innocent life.”
“I had a wonderful childhood and was blessed with amazing parents. I was adopted and know what a gift a loving and stable childhood is. I will forever be grateful to my birth parents for giving me such a wonderful life. I feel that I am too young and not ready to be a parent. I want the best for my baby just as my birth parents wanted for me. I hold the highest hope for my baby boy.”
“I know I am not ready for a baby and know that I couldn’t give a baby everything I would want to give him. I have so many plans for the future like going to college and getting a steady job. I know I won’t be able to be with the baby as much as the baby will need. I know that some time in the future I will raise children but, for now, I want what is best for the baby and me.”
“I currently have two children and we struggle as it is with bills, barely getting by. I love my children and do not think we could make it with another child. I have to be fair to the children I have while being fair to the baby I am carrying. As hard as it is, I feel that adoption is the best choice for everyone involved.”
“I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy who is not the father of the baby. He is supportive of my decision to place the baby for adoption. I make no judgments about the other alternatives to unplanned pregnancy but just don’t feel that they are right for me. I consider myself a vessel that is bringing this baby into the world for a wonderful loving couple who cannot have a baby.”
“My pregnancy was the result of non-consensual sex. This makes raising this precious baby too difficult for me. I feel that there are good people in this world who want but are unable to have children. I can’t think of a greater gift than that of a child.”
“I am 47 years old and have been married for 15 years. I didn’t think that I could get pregnant given my age. My husband and I are not in a place in our life were we wanted to begin parenting a child. We also do not feel comfortable having family members raise the baby. When I found out I was pregnant, I was already in the beginning of my seventh month so I turned to adoption. My husband and I feel equally at peace with our decision.“
“My pregnancy was unplanned. I am no longer in a relationship or even in contact with the birth father and I never want any of my children to be raised without a father. I also want to be married and not living at home with parents when I decide to raise a family. I don’t have the money to raise a child right now. I also want to finish school and other life goals I have before having a child. Adoption was the perfect choice for me.”