Women who are pregnant and considering adoption may feel uncertain and have questions to determine if this is the right decision for them and their unborn child. Having sufficient support and information during this time can be extremely reassuring for anyone thinking about placing their baby for adoption. In order to help birth mothers in their time of uncertainty, we have compiled some common questions and answers from birth mothers who have gone through the adoption process.
How do I know if adoption is the right choice for me?
The answer to this question and the reasons for placing can be different for each birth mother, as no two situations are alike. However, most birth mothers mention wanting “what is best for the child” and feel that they are unable to provide this, maybe financially, emotionally, or physically.
Some birth mothers claim that they had a gut feeling that adoption was the best choice for their child, realizing that they wouldn’t be able to provide what another family could. According to this article, one birth mother even says, “There are so many reasons I didn’t think I could parent… I knew adoption was the answer because these are families who desperately want a child, and are so prepared to take care of one.” Another birth mom says it was when she realized “it was evident I was not ready for motherhood” after evaluating her personal situation.
What should I know before I decide to place?
Before placing, many birth mothers say they should have been more vocal about what they wanted or needed during the process. This birth mother, Sarah, confesses that often times, “birth mothers are scared, vulnerable, and feeling judged for who they are and what they choose,” which is why they may feel unable to voice their opinions. She elaborates that it’s easy to feel powerless and scared when you’re trusting people you’ve never met before, but you should always speak up if something is bothering you.
What advice do birth mothers have to share about their experiences?
Some birth mothers recommend seeking advice from counselors or speaking with other birth mothers. By genuinely understanding any effects a birth mother may experience post-placement, it’s easier to “find peace with the decision, Janel, a birth mother who stresses that it’s a life-long commitment.
Another birth mom shares that she wished she had spent more time looking at families before choosing her adoptive parents. Though she doesn’t regret her choice, she feels it would have been more beneficial had she put more thought into the process. She felt scared and rushed back then, but she advises other prospective birth mothers to relax and thoroughly examine their options.
What are some misconceptions people have about birth mothers?
“People see it as you’re kind of just giving up,” one birth mother explains. Among the many stigmas and stereotypes about adoption, the majority of birth mothers agree that the most common perception people have is birth mothers are irresponsible or selfish. These misconceptions often stem from what people are exposed to by the media, but such examples are not usually the case. The people who choose to place their babies for adoption come from diverse backgrounds and unique situations – it’s not easy to lump them into one category and assume they are all the same.
How will I choose the adoptive parents for my child?
Birth mothers can utilize an adoption agency, attorney, or counselor to find adoptive parents, while some may already have relatives or friends for the adoption in mind. For those that are looking for adoptive parents, they will usually go through profiles of families and contact them to see if they’re a good fit.
Every match is made for a different reason. Take Bailey for example, a huge element she factored into her choice was whether her child would have a sibling or pets. One birth mother chose an adoptive mother because of her curly hair, knowing that this adoptive mother could manage her daughter’s future hair. For another birth mom, not only did the adoptive parents meet all her requirements, but they wanted to name their child “Joy,” the same one she had chosen! In all of these cases, birth mothers chose adoptive families based on little connections made when viewing their profile. Something most birth mothers will agree on, however, is that their adoptive parents’ values aligned with theirs which set the precedent for open communication going forward.
If you need help with the adoption process or finding adoptive parents, AdoptHelp case workers are her for you. Contact us at www.adopthelp.com or call our office 1-800-637-799. We are here for questions, guidance, and to support you.