When our son Spencer turned two, we began to think seriously about expanding our family. We knew we wanted him to have a sibling someone to experience life with him. Making the decision to contact AdoptHelp was easy because we had a positive experience the first time around. While the wait for our second child was longer than we had hoped, we were assured that the right birth mother and baby would find us. Taking that advice to heart, we were overjoyed when our second son, Max, was born. We were matched with a birth mother who lived out of state and was willing to relocate to the Los Angeles area for the birth. In September, we traveled to Iowa to visit her and to get to know her and her mother. We didn’t want her arrival in Los Angeles to be the first time we all met and we wanted to get the potentially awkward silences out of the way. Given our age gap (she was 19 and we… weren’t) we found common ground and lots to talk about. Mostly, we all wanted what was best for the baby. The visit was a great decision and made her arrival in Los Angeles that much easier. We spent the month of October and into November taking our birth mother to doctor appointments, and visiting parts of Los Angeles that she had heard about. The month we spent together was a time that we will never forget. It gave us a sense of who our birth mother is. It also gave her a chance to see how we live, who our support circle includes and how we parent. We would often touch upon issues regarding topics like religion, discipline and marriage and being able to discuss our values and ideas face to face made these discussions easier.
From the first conversation we had with our birth mother, she knew she wanted us to be in the delivery room when she gave birth. We were thrilled and grateful that she wanted this. It’s what we hoped for. When she went into labor, we were all together in the hospital room. Her mother was able to get to Los Angeles from Iowa in time to be in the room, too, and the plan that our birth mother envisioned became a reality. It was early in the morning when our healthy, beautiful baby boy was born. We were elated, numb, emotional and of course, concerned for our birth mother’s well- being. Some thoughts raced through our minds during the first few hours of his life: Will she change her mind? Will she attach? Fortunately, for us, AdoptHelp had created a plan in writing ahead of time that reflected our collective needs and laid out who would hold the baby, where the baby would stay in the hospital and where our birth mother wanted to stay. With only one minor change to the plan, it was honored and provided a safety net for us all in the beginning hours of Max’s life.
We are now settling in with our newly configured life and everyone is thriving, although no one is getting enough sleep! We still keep in touch with our birth mother . She has gotten back to her life in Iowa and is doing well. We also send her pictures so she can track Max’s developments. We have no doubt that she will always be part of our life. A friend once said that adoption is the answer to everyone’s prayers. We helped our birth mother at a time when she was in need. She helped us by making it possible to create the family we had always wanted. Almost daily one of us comments on what a truly unselfish gift we were given with both boys.
Whether one conceives or creates family through adoption, the process is daunting at times and gratifying at other times. Having the staff of AdoptHelp literally hold our hands through the process, providing advice, counsel, an ear and many other services, made all the difference in the world to us. At the end of this adoption journey, we have the people of AdoptHelp to thank for their unending support and knowledge of the ins and outs of this complex process. Goodness knows, they’ve worked with thousands of families and had much to offer in making our family dreams come true.